‘Roid Rage

ROID RAGE By Richard David Smith III
Amid steroid rumors, the witch-hunt has officially begun.

As hordes of people drive past our city via I-95 down to their favorite spring training sites, we can tell that the Major League baseball season is approaching faster than a Randy Johnson fastball. The biggest concern amongst fans, non-fans and politicians seems to be the ominous cloud over the collective diamond that is the steroid issue. “Who has used it and who has injected it into whose ass” has replaced “how much weight has the Anaheim/Los Angeles/Sacramento/El Cajon/Little Rock Arkansas Angels’ pitcher Bartolo Colon gained in the off-season” as the pre-eminent question entering the 2005 season. The central figure caught in the web of all of this controversy is the great Barry Bonds, who is on pace to break the all-time home run record of Hank Aaron.
Critics of Bonds say that he is compromising the integrity of America’s pastime. Is this the same game of integrity that featured the Black Sox scandal in the early days? The same game that had a manager who gambled on games in the form of Pete Rose? The same game that has endures previous and current player strikes and owner lockout threats? Is this the same integrity that has allowed ballpark’s names to be bastardized by whichever large corporation coughs up enough dough, one of them being the previously named ENRON FIELD in Houston? And wasn’t baseball recently entertaining the notion of placing movie advertisements for the Spider-Man sequel on the tops of the bases, only to rescind amid fan and media outrage at the once unthinkable act. Throw in the fact that baseball is America’s only congressionally allowed legal monopoly (well, besides Microsoft) and I would boldly say that “integrity” was never really in the cards for Major League Baseball.
Why do we care so much about what athletes put into their bodies? Even prominent politicians such as Arizona Senator John McCain are chiming in on this matter. Now the witch-hunt has officially begun, as the House of Representatives has subpoenaed the likes of Mark McGuire, Sammy Sosa, and World Series hero Curt Schilling. Is there really nothing more important for them to worry about? Don’t we have a national healthcare dilemma and, I don’t know, a war to contend with right now. Why are our elected officials holding ballplayers to a higher standard than we hold the politicians themselves? Where are our priorities?
Even if we have a right or duty to care, there are so many ambiguous elements to the baseball steroid story that I don’t even know where to begin. First of all, we don’t even know if they really help you hit home runs. For as much evidence as there is that steroids help players hit home runs, there’s just as much out there saying that it doesn’t. In utilizing yet again its favorite word, the media says that steroid use in baseball is a “crisis.” As asinine as it sounds, if such a large percentage of players are using steroids anyway, doesn’t that level the playing field yet again? With all of the emphasis on the hitters using the drug, some scientists have suggested that it may even be that pitchers benefit most from usage.
Next you have to consider the source from which a lot of this information is coming from. Namely Jose Canseco, an admitted steroid abuser, who’s book revealed the dirty secrets of baseball’s steroid abuse. It’s not as if this guy, who has had many questionable legal run-ins in his life, is the most credible. And if you had witnessed the last five or six years of his fledgling baseball career, you might have seen all of the evidence you need to know that steroids do not help you be a better ballplayer. Let’s face it, this book that he came out with was not a humbling tell-all account by a known class act such as Cal Ripkin Jr. or Tony Gwynn. It was a questionable, shock value book written by a washed up ballplayer as a last resort for some cash.
As for Barry Bonds, there are actually baseball purists and sports journalists who want to put an asterisk on his homerun records if it is proven that he has used steroids. That is a ridiculous statement. For that matter, why not put an asterisk next to Babe Ruth’s records since Ruth played in an era where African American’s were segregated to the Negro League and not allowed to play in the Majors? As a result, Ruth technically didn’t have to face all of the best American players in his time. Are we going to put an asterisk next to Ricky Williams career best season in 2003 because he smoked marijuana; the asterisk implicating that the yardage total was more impressive given that he had to battle the lethargy induced by his chronic smoking? We can all be sure that since the days of the Roman gladiators and before, pro sports have had their respective disclaimers, if we had to remark on them all in the record books then there would be more asterisks in them than a well referenced medical journal.
Then, of course, some say, as they always do when they run out of legitimate arguments, that the players shouldn’t use steroids because they are role models to kids. Is it just me, or are you tired of sculpting the entire society so that a child doesn’t accidentally catch a glimpse of something that’s not kosher. The sooner they realize that their heroes are fallible and that life is a series of misfortunes, the better off they will be. Better they are broken in by a ‘roided up Neanderthal who swings a piece of wood for a living than from their parents divorce. So, look at it as these guys doing your kids a favor. If you’re a smart parent, perhaps you’ll use this incident as an opportunity to teach your kid about social libertarianism and the next generation will be a better one for it.
When Sosa and McGuire (who are also accused of steroid use) were battling for the home run record in 1998, it is said to have saved baseball. Can we then assume that, in an odd twist, steroids saved baseball? Sarcasm aside, I’m not saying that no player takes steroids. It was humorously ironic that, in responding to the questions by journalists of whether or not he was taking steroids, Sosa almost symbolically went into a characteristic ‘roid rage fit of denial. But in looking for the reason why balls have been gratuitously landing in the bleachers, why don’t we look more at other causes like the increase in the number of smaller ballparks being built, the more strictly enforced strike-zones, and expansion diluted pitching talent. No, we’d much rather look at the drug issue. Why? Because as a country hooked on antidepressants and basically owned in part by the Pharmaceutical industry, we Americans like to think that everything can be attributed to some kind of pill.
Speaking strictly as a fan of the game, I could frankly care less about whether or not a player uses steroids. I quite like seeing baseballs fly out of the park like fiery comets. It’s exciting. They can use more ‘roids for all I care. I want to see grotesquely muscle bound, freakish monsters with bulging biceps and bad cases of steroid use trademark facial acne blasting pitches into different zip codes. I want to see records rocked and pitchers’ earned run averages destroyed. If players want to make the Faustian bargain of trading their future health for present glory, more power (literally) to them. As for all of the players not juicing up, quit being so selfish and try a little harder, will ya? For all they charge me to get into the gates, I want to be entertained, dammit. Look, people have been electing fake people, ogling at fake women, and eating fake sugar for years, they might as well get used to watching fake baseball players. In an increasingly fake society, it almost seems appropriate.

RDS3