Rant Room Recommends

Shawn Lightfoot and Laurel Lee tonight at London Bridge! (hey, that’s some nice incidental alliteration there, ain’t it?)

Go check out two Rant Room favorites, playing together on the same night at the same venue. That’s right, the great Shawn Lightfoot and Laurel Lee will both be playing tonight at London Bridge as part of Brother Lightfoot’s Tuesday Nights at London Bridge series. Making an all-too-infrequent appearance together, this is a show that should not be missed by anyone in this town with a pulse.

Tonight, London Bridge, 9:00P. Did I mention that there’s no cover? Now what’s your excuse you ham n’ egger?Turn in reviews of the show for extra credit.

7 & 7

Last week, former Jacksonville Jaguar Byron Leftwich was signed by the Atlanta Falcons to be one of their back-up quarterbacks. Many analysts (football analysts, not Freudian psychoanalysts) believe that Lord Byron will eventually take over the starting role for the struggling Falcons. Let me just say that I think it would be hilariously ironic to see the large, lumbering Leftwich try to orchestrate an offense that was designed around the fastest QB in the history of the NFL.

Speaking of the departed and soon to be imprisoned Michael Vick, many who read my page (okay, so it’s just my dad and a few of my friends!) want to know my take on the whole Michael Vick situation since sports and animal rights are a couple of topics that I touch on quite a bit on this page. Well, of course I find the actions of Vick horrific and detestable. This cold-hearted, murdering idiot should be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. If it were up to me, he’d be smothered in artificial bacon grease and thrown to a vicious pack of pissed off, rabid Chihuahua’s who have been temporarily taken away from their mother’s purse and pumped up with steroids, growth hormone, and PCP.

I still think that before we go pointing fingers at this obviously sick individual, we take a look at the slab of meat on our own dinner plates. From an animal’s perspective, is this really any better?

Philing in the Blank

There has been an ongoing debate between me and a few other people regarding whether a Jacksonville highway is spelled “Philips” with one “L” or “Phillips” with two “L’s”. The other day, in an attempt to put this debate to an end, I snapped a photo of this highway sign to the left (I pulled over this time to take the shot). The photo (click it to enlarge) clearly indicates that Philips Highway is, indeed, spelled with one “L”. Before, even when I had told certain people about the road signs, they still held firm to believing that Philips was spelled with two “L’s”. Their reason for this was usually tied to the fact that many businesses have “Phillips” with two “L’s” on their signage and in their phone book listings. I realize that this is an easy mistake to make as well as a relatively trivial matter, but it’s a perfect example of mass ignorance. Just because a majority of the people are doing something doesn’t make it right. That sort of reasoning is why we currently have people in high office who can’t pronounce the word “nuclear”.

In the specific case of Philips Highway, I think it’s especially important that we get the spelling correct in order to pay proper respect to A. Philip Randolph, a local pioneer in the African-American civil rights movement.

My Proud Polish Heritage: Known for Underachieving and Drinking!

I am so thrilled. I have finally found a Polish beer that I can purchase here in Jacksonville, FL. It is the most internationally popular of the Polish born brews and it is called Zywiec (figures, huh?). It can be purchased at ABC Liquor. Sorry I can’t plug an independent liquor store here…trust me, I LOOKED!

For those who didn’t know, a large percentage of my heritage is Polish (which may explain a lot of things). For some reason, people tend to like alcohols that most closely match those that are associated with their heritage. Genetically speaking, I suppose that makes perfect sense. So, you may not like Zywiec unless your last name has a bunch of superfluous consonants and phonetically makes no sense. But, for what it’s worth, I think the beer tastes fantastic and I recommend you give it a try, regardless of background.

You could even play a fun drinking game on NFL Sunday and chug an entire Zywiec each time The Oakland Raiders’ Polish kicker Sebastian Janikowski misses a field goal. You’re sure to be fucking wasted by halftime. “Seabass,” who somehow graduated from FSU after nearly being deported back to Poland for criminal activity, missed three field goals in last week’s game alone…but his fatass did make a tackle on a kick returner, however.

Although, if you’re a true Pole, you don’t need a game as motivation to drink…you’ll be drinking to suppress your demons.

So, go out and enjoy a Zywiec this weekend my friends!

Damn, if you combine this blog with the blog two entries ago, this site is starting to look like one big advertisement…

If a great local band plays in the middle of Jacksonville, FL, does it still make a sound?

A couple of Rant Room favorites are playing around town tonight (Friday, September 7th). The Black Kids have become internationally loved blog darlings since their exclusive Rant Room interview after dominating the Athens PopFest in early August. Just as I predicted quite some time ago, this band is destined for stardom. I expect to see them playing on Conan O’Brien any day now. They are the headline act tonight at Jack Rabbits, playing along with Tigercity and Stylofone. The Black Kids will take the stage at around 11 o’clock. The concert costs a mere 8 dollars at the door—so you’d better go see them now, because when they get HUGE, your broke ass won’t be able to afford to anymore!

Another Rant Room favorite, the wonderful Laurel Lee and the Escapees, is playing at Yesterday’s Social Club. Her show starts at 8.

You can go see Laurel at 8 at Yesterday’s and still have time to head over to Jack Rabbits to catch the Black Kids at 11. You’d even have time to savor a delicious meal from the Burrito Gallery in between.

So, there, I was kind enough to plan a wonderful Friday evening for you. I won’t accept anyone saying that “there’s nothing to do in this town” tonight. Now go out and support these two kick-ass local bands before they aren’t local anymore!

***The first person to leave a comment on here saying that they attended either of these two shows, along with his or her own mini-review, can pick my next rant topic***

For those of you who thought I was invincible, meet Beth Westberry

I had no idea that the number one female arm wrestler in America resided right here in Jacksonville. Meet Beth Westberry. Westberry currently holds the number one title in the U.S for women competing in the World Armwrestling Federation. She is going on to represent team USA in the World Armwrestling Championship held in Veliko Turnovo, Bulgaria.

Westberry recently had a competition table set up at a Female Roller Derby event I was covering as part of my freelance work. I decided to take her on myself. Okay, let’s just say that the final results did not hedge in my favor. Okay, let’s just say that I didn’t win. Okay, let’s just say that she defeated me within a fraction of a second.

Be looking for my “Five Questions” segment with Westberry in the pages of Folio Weekly in the coming weeks.

Here is the humiliating visual evidence of Westberry making quick work of me.

For all of the women who have ever hated me, please enjoy…

In the Meantime…

The blogs may be a little slow this week, as I am going through orientation for my new primary job.

In the meantime, check out my Backpage Editorial about the Jacksonville Morrissey concert at the Morocco Shrine Auditorium in the current edition of Folio Weekly, which hits newsstands today (8/21). It can be found on…uh…the back page.

Also, check out this interesting recent news story on the topic of time travel.

Where have all the Grasshoppers Gone?

When I was a kid, I always used to see these huge green grasshoppers all over the place around Jacksonville. They seemed to come out of the woods and congregate by dumpsters and I would see them when I would take out the trash. I was always mesmerized by their tremendous leaps and creepy mandibles. The other day, this 1975 Steely Dan “Katy Lied” album cover that you see on the left (which features a katydid) got me to thinking about how I haven’t seen any of these large grasshoppers in a very, very long time–it’s been at least ten years. What has happened to them? Are they still around Jacksonville? Does anybody know? I’d appreciate any feedback and/or tales of sightings of this amazing insect in the North Florida region.

Also, if you’ve seen the Florida Skunk Ape, please feel free to share that here as well.

Rubber Ring

On the left is a picture that I snapped recently while driving along the downtown Jacksonville portion of I-95 (click on the picture to view an enlarged version). It is a picture of a truck that had a ridiculously large, unsecured stack of automobile tires piled up on its bed. The driver of this particular vehicle didn’t even bother to throw a token rope over the unsteady pile of rubber to create the illusion of safety. One untimely bump or unexpected swerve and those tires were going to fly everywhere. Such an event would wreak all kinds of havoc on this busy stretch of interstate, most likely causing multiple accidents and perhaps even death. I took this picture because this is just one of the many “accidents waiting to happen” that I see rolling down the roads of Jacksonville almost every time I take to the wheel–and many of the imminent disasters look much worse than this one. Often times, I will see a police vehicle ride right on past these mobile monstrosities. Why aren’t the cops pulling over these careless cruisers? I suppose Sheriff Rutherford’s local police squad is too busy harassing pot smokers and writing me parking tickets to be bothered with such matters.

And don’t even get me started on those idiots who are trying to take pictures while driving!

Tipping Cows…a Few Bucks

I watched a great documentary about cows on my local PBS affiliate yesterday. The documentary chronicled the cow’s unique relationship with mankind. It is indeed amazing how cows give us meat, dairy, clothing, shoes and their waste can be conveniently converted into fertilizer and even fuel. All of this wrapped up in an animal that is basically easy to corral. One of the more interesting quotes in the film was that, “we didn’t domesticate cows, cows domesticated us.” So true.

With this in mind, I wondered if it wasn’t about time that we gave cows the “man’s best friend” label and took the “sea cow” label away from the manatee out of respect for this ever-giving creature.